Monday, April 24, 2006,10:19 PM
never the same...
Sunday I started to have this strange feeling, for some reason I just felt something stiring in me. I was pretty tired today, but probably an hour ago I just felt this overwhelm need to spend some time alone in thought with God.

I couldn't figure out what I really wanted to do or what God was wanting of me. I walked in Paul's room and on the top of his DVD pile was the Passion of the Christ. I knew instantly what I was being asked to do. It had been on my mind for a week or so, since SGA chapel when they showed a clip from the Passion. I had to watch the prayer in the garden, the scene before Pilot, the march to the hill called the skull and the crucifixion. Those two scenes have been bugging me like a cold I can't shake.

It's extremely hard to watch the Passion, being I am very emotional about things like this. But I felt God was trying to tell me about something. So I have watched it and like I predicted I completely fell apart. But I think I got God's message.

From the garden to the cross Jesus encountered 5 distinct men. Malchus, the slave of the High Priest, Pilot, Simon of Cyrene and the theif on the cross and the Roman Guard.

Malchus when Jesus healed him just sat there, the guards called him to get up but he couldn't. Malchus had encountered God, he had a dynamic encounter with Jesus that I think changed him.

Pilot when he sees Jesus after the flogging looks stunned. Pilot utters the famous words "Ecco Homo" meaning "Behold the Man". Pilot was stunned, Jesus was almost beaten beyond all recognition. When Pilot said this to the crowd he was actually confirming that this was indeed a man that stood before him. I can only imagine what Pilot felt or was thinking but he didn't want any part of Jesus death.

Simon took up the cross of Jesus. I imagine he thought about that for the rest of his life. I can only imagine how burdened he felt, he had recieved only a small experience of what it was like for Jesus. But I am sure it changed him.

The thief. On the cross he cries out to Jesus to save him and we all know his response.

The Roman Guard says "Truly this man was God's son" Who knows what happened after that but i'm certain he was never the same.

The common thread in this for me is the fact that all encountered Jesus and all experience some kind of change in their life.

I have been differently lately, I finally feel that I have allowed Jesus to take up his rightful place on the throne of my heart. I feel that I have finally gotten to the place when I know He must be #1 in my life and I will not place anything before him. I had a dynamic meeting with God a month ago and I haven't been the same. I wake up in the mornings wondering what is going on. I am different, I feel different, I think different, I act different and it is strange. I feel like I'm walking around in new skin that I'm not used to, but overwhelmed by how liberated I feel.

This scares me because I am no longer in control of my life, I feel like screaming from how different I feel inside. I talk about it and I can't describe it, I try to make sense of it and I can't. All I know is I met God and He changed me. I am convinced 100% that you cannot encounter God and walk away unchanged.
posted by Jason
Permalink ¤ 5 comments
Thursday, April 20, 2006,11:31 PM
the start of something good
things are going well for me. I've got alot of work to do but I'll get it all done.

Things are going great for Looy and me. We've been spending the last few weeks getting to know each other deeper as friends. We talk about everything which is kinda crazy but great. We have this really great open communication where if we have a question or thought we just tell each other.

I took her to Twin Falls(waterfalls) on Wednesday and we had a great time. I truly love nature and enjoy God's creation and have always hoped God would put someone in my life who enjoyed it too. We had a great time exploring the waterfall, hiking and just enjoying each others company. We both fell in the water and saw a snake!

Tuesday night we decided to go to her home in Augusta so I could meet her mom, older sister Amanda and her dad. It was a really good time for us. We had dinner with her mom and brother. We had a great conversation and her mom asked me alot of things. Her mom really likes me too which is a big plus. Looy said her sister Amanda was probably going to be the toughest. But strangely enough that went pretty well too. We talked and she asked me how I felt about things and seemed to really like me which was another great plus. Her brother Joshua really likes me which is a really big plus, he said several rather interesting things in regard to my relationship with his sister. It is important to Looy that I have a good relationship/fit in with her family. Meeting most of her family and it going well was a great thing.

Spending time with Looy at her home was a good thing. We talked alot about our soon to be dating relationship which was good. She trusts me completely which is a big thing for her as well as for me because I completely trust her as well. We are comfortable together, we have fun together and we care about one another a great deal. We had a moment on Tuesday night that really allowed me to show her that I really cared for her and that no matter what she means the world to me and that I really want to be with her. We are getting to know each others hearts, struggles, pains, hopes and dreams and it is just incredible. I fall for her more and more each day. Plus we are both pursuing the call God has set on our lives and the great thing about that is, our calls are similar, we both desire to minister and help hurting people.

God has been doing wonderful things in my life in the last few days and month. I experienced a great spiritual change in my life that I know would have to had happened before I could have a strong relationship with God. I feel that as a result of me letting God have what he wanted from me, he placed in my life one of the desires of my heart.

Even with all the work thats due and the stress of the end of the semester I still feel so full of joy and truly blessed.

Peace and Love
posted by Jason
Permalink ¤ 4 comments
Tuesday, April 11, 2006,1:35 PM
yesterday was a great day. Classes went well and it was nice and warm outside.

Spent some time with Looy after she got from SGA. She's reading the book Captivating and has told me I have to read it (she's telling me what to do now lol). We sat in the lobby and talked for a while last night. Several people came into the main lobby so we went downstairs to the lobby beside the washroom.

We sat down there and talked about a bunch of stuff. It was really great, we just talked very openly about alot of things. We talked about our families and found they have several things in common. Talked about growing and how we were both dorks in middle and high school.

I asked her to guess my favorite president. I was thinking to myself there is no way she is going to guess Andrew Jackson. Once again she surprised me by guessing Jackson, I was completely dumbfounded.

We talked about Narnia and Lord of the Rings (One of her favorite movies). While we were talking about LOTR she very quietly and gracefully put her head on my shoulder and slipped her hand under my arm. I was in mid sentence and stopped, I was completely overwhelmed by it. I just sat there in silence and enjoyed the moment.

We talked and just sat there and enjoyed each others company. At one point she said she felt very comfortable with me, that just made me want to hold her closer.

We both still laugh and think its a little crazy. We have been friends for a while now and honestly I didn't anticipate this last week when I told her how I felt.

Its funny because I used to try to hide how I felt about her even though she knew. But now I can write about it, talk to her about it and show it to her.

I'm going to take a nap

Peace and Love
posted by Jason
Permalink ¤ 6 comments
Saturday, April 08, 2006,11:51 PM
something wonderful
Something truly incredible has happened in my life

I told the girl that I have liked/cared about for almost 2 full school terms that I've had a crush on her since the day we met.

And she likes me too!!!

Her name is Looy, she is amazingly wonderful and I care for her a great deal.

I've been working on a post about this for about 3 days now and its about 10 pages long and I just can't put everything I want to say into words.

Let me put it very simply.

Words cannot describe how great Looy is. Nor can they truly describe how I feel about her. Nor can they descibe how happy it makes me to know she feels the same. I think that will do.

That 10 page post (its long but prob not that long) will probably be up sometime, it is basically the story about everything that has happened.

You really are amazing, you make me so happy, and to know that I make your face hurt from smiling so much makes me feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

You are so special to me

posted by Jason
Permalink ¤ 4 comments
Sunday, April 02, 2006,12:54 AM
tonight was the junior/senior semi formal and I had a great time. I wanted to go, decided I didn't want to and then decided I wanted to again. When I finally decided I was going I asked my friend Alston if she would go with me. She was pretty excited when I asked so that was great! I had decided I wanted to go for this Lex Luthor/Smallville look with a black suit and no tie with a purple shirt. So Thursday we went to Easley to pick one out. Had a great time doing that, she liked the first shirt I picked out alot and so did I, so we went with that. Went to her house afterwards for her to try on a couple of dresses. She decided on a black one (she looked really really beautiful). Had some fun hanging out at her house, her niece was there and it was cool to see her interact with the kid.

So on to tonight, it was really really great! I don't really like to get overly excited about going out with a girl, I just don't want to put off a "i'm excited to be around you" vibe, but it was really cool cause she was really excited about it too. So we decided to leave about 5:30 and got to Greenville around 6. We parked around the corner from Coffee Underground and walked to the Hyatt (I wasn't sure where it was, but I knew it was on main street. A funny aside, as we were crossing the street to the Hyatt a couple guys in a *blinged* out car totally about broke thier necks trying to check her out and I started laughing about it and she asked me what was up, so I told her, she blushed and started laughing.

We got inside and picked a table and sat for a bit talking about stuff. My friends Russell and Hank sat with us making for some great conversations and laughs. The food was really good and I ate about half of a salad (a feat for me). The silly videos people made (Theme was Scene It) were really funny. My friend Josh made a Brokeback Mountain spoof needless to say that was not approved for viewing.

Now on to why I think I'm actually writing this post now instead of later. Alston is an incredible girl. I say that about alot of people and they are incredible too, but she is in her own Alston way. She was really excited about going which really put me at easy, I asked her because we are good friends and really hadn't seen each other/hung out in a while. Plus, I knew we would have a great time. I had seen her in her dress on thursday but when we met to leave school, I saw her for the first time all dressed up and I have to say she looked absolutely beautiful. I told her that a couple times tonight too, so she knows, and she doesn't read my blog so I think I'm safe saying it again lol. So anyway dinner was great we talked about alot of stuff, she's not coming back to SWU next year, which I found out the day I asked her to go with me tonight. That made a little sad I must say.

So I was really glad I asked her. Our personalities go well together so we have a great time most anytime we do anything. All night I treated her like a girl I was dating. I know that maybe a little strange considering we are just really good friends but, like I said she got all dressed up came and I think she's great so I treated her like that. It wasn't like I was trying to put on a show or do something I wouldn't normal do anyway. There was one point during the evening the lady filling out water glasses, Alston had been wanting water for a minute or so. So the lady came and was about to fill mine and I turned to her and said "please will you take care of her first (refering to Alston), she was polite and said yes. What the lady said after that got me though. As she was filling Alston's glass she said something to extend of "he's making sure your taken care of isn't he, what a gentleman." I kinda smiled to myself but just stayed quiet.

All night I kept looking at her, I wasn't checking her out, I was actually in awe of her. She has this freckle under her left eye and I call it "king freckle". Well we joked about that a couple times and she thinks its funny when we talk about it. But that too got me thinking about things. I like being around her, we are good friends, and I know that someday when I'm married to whoever my wife is what I'm about to write will apply.

As I was enjoying her company I was thinking. I was thinking this must be kinda what its like to be married. I was completely having a great time, and she was too. We walked around afterwards and I could tell she was getting tired. We went to get ice cream with some people but we sat outside cause it was hot inside. And we talked about things again. We talked her transfering, what she's dealing with and going through right now. And honestly I was perfectly content to sit there and just hang as long as she would have wanted to. I imagine that is what marriage is like. Hanging out with your best friend everyday, caring about them, meeting their needs, loving them. We decided to leave because she was getting tired and her shoes were starting to hurt. I told her I'd carry her back, she laughed and said she was heavy, so of course I joked and said "your not 95 pounds? your kidding me?" Seriously, she weighs nothing and I would have carried her all the way back in a second if she had wanted me too. But she took off her shoes and we strolled though downtown back to the car. The ride home was fun, we listened to Lifehouse and talked some more.

The point of this, I really don't know If I have one. Tonight I got to treat someone like I think she absolutely deserves to be treated and honestly, that made me night more than anything. It was great to just be nice to someone.

And now it's 1:50 and I need some sleep.
If you've made it this far I applaud you and thank you for reading.
posted by Jason
Permalink ¤ 6 comments