Monday, January 29, 2007,2:08 AM
sleepwalking and shadows
I have alot to cover so I'm making a list.

1. For the past i don't know week or so i've been having alot of dreams. 1. I don't dream. 2. when I do I usually remember people or places I've seen. 3. lately I've been having dreams about someone I honestly don't care to dream about.

I'm not angry about it or anything like that its just strange. The heart has mended rather well, I can honestly reflect and say I learned something about myself. However, every once in a while, well hello, how are you and how the heck did you get in here? It is just strange because.....well....why now? I feel like my mind is messing with me.

2. I have for a very long time felt like I stand in the shadow of most of my friends. I'm a person of moderate intelligence, I'm on occasion funny, I'm in my personal opinion not too bad looking, I'm generally nice and when I take down my guards i'm actually sensitive and compassionate. Lately, I've felt for the most part pretty insignificant. I feel like most of the cool/interesting/good things I do go completely unnoticed and even that as a person I am easily forgettable. I have to fight for people's attention. I hate being loud! I realize that I have a loud voice but,honestly I'm loud because apparently at some point growing up I realized being loud got someone's attention. I mean it is nice when people pay attention to you, most normal people like it. I guess I'm just frustrated because the people I wish paid me a little attention for the most part aren't. I don't know how to feel about all this really. I just want to be noticed, for me, for my value and contributions , for my thoughts and ideas and for the soft heart that I actually have. I've vented now I'm done.

3. I was asked to lead a small group (I guess I was noticed a little, believe me I'm thankful) I'm not sure what book I would like to do. I'm kinda of tossing up between Wild at Heart, Velvet Elvis which I would have to read by thursday, or a couple of other books. I wanted to do Captivating and Wild at Heart in a joint Guy/Girl group, I figured I would be interesting, but I just don't know!

4. Helped edit a video that is going to shown at ALIVE next sunday. Heath and I worked hard on it for three days and I am proud of it.

It's 3:00 and I'm exhausted and I need to get some sleep. I'll leave you with this. Sleepwalking by Blindside

Sleep this time tonight
Sleepwalk in the light
Sleep this time tonight (one day we'll)
Sleepwalk out of sight

One day this world will see me at the horizon
One day from a distant light
And just before I stand to face my love
I'll turn around
And with a smile I'll say my goodbyes
Just one last goodbye
posted by Jason
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