Tuesday, August 30, 2005,10:56 PM
letting Jesus have me.
Since sunday we've had spiritual emphasis here on campus and its always a really awesome experience. Daron Earlewine from the Crux ministries in Indiana has been our speaker for the last couple days and he's been great. He's dropped some really thought provoking and heart felt messages.

In the state i've been in lately of thinking about everything this last 3 days has been like going 30 rounds with Tyson back in the day when he could kill you with a punch. I've had alot of questions and thoughts and I'm changing and it scares me slightly. Since this summer I've changed alot and its strange because I'm back here and I've grown and changed and I remember where I was last year and its strange to reflect on myself .....even if it was only like six months ago.

My biggest thing is I get so stinkin wound up in things. People from this summer and people that know me well from back home always say "man you got some crazy passion about things, it explodes out of you". And yeah i guess its true most of the time. but my problem is I feel i'm not passionate about things God wants me to be passionate about. I've read and enjoyed two of Don Millers books recently and in Blue like Jazz he comments on passion. He says something to the extent of "We should pray that God makes us passionate about God things instead of empty world things" That really hit me...hard! And then this week with Daron talking about surrendering our All to Christ. And I know I don't. I could make you a list of things that I hold onto with a kung fu grip. I'm so tore up inside because I want this burning fire of a relationship with God and I always seem to fall off right when I think I'm doing well. And i'm sure Satan contributes to it because he knows what tears me apart and he uses that against me pretty dang well. I want to know God intimately, like Job did, like Moses, like the apostles had with Jesus. IT FREAKIN KILLS ME INSIDE BECAUSE SOMEDAYS I WANT TO SCREAM, all I want is to be is right with God, to be in his will.

I want to surrender everything, I want to be passionate about God things. I want to feel God's love around me and pouring out of me.

and now I'm completely wore out from this
posted by Jason
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Sunday, August 21, 2005,12:24 AM
back in the swing of things......kinda
well i'm back at school. I've been here for two weeks now and I do enjoy being back. I'm an RA this year and i enjoy it so far, we have a few kinks to work out with this new building but things are going well all the same. i've played frisbee like 5 times already which has been great, new people are playing this year so its good to have new blood. my room is pretty nice, i really haven't done all i'm going to do to it yet. I do have a couch and in my own unique sense of style it is an old van seat complete with seat belt. classes are looking promising this year, well with the exception of greek but even it is looking like it might be survivable. And last but certainly not least by any means, i'm so glad to be back around my friends here. i've missed so many of you this summer and to be back here is really great

I have a feeling i might be doing a lot of posting on here this year. i'm experiencing alot of growth and change, mostly spiritual growth which i feel is good. i've done alot of reading and thinking about things and i feel like i've had the blinds that have been over my mind and heart knocked into next tuesday.
its a really strange sensation, i feel at peace about alot of things, life things and God things. i feel like i have a relationship with God and i actually want to hear Him and read and know Him more. God is great

well peeps its like 2 sunday morning and yeah i want to sleep now.

Music to check out: Switchfoot: Stars.
Its off their new album yet to be released and i must say HOLY MOLY its hard rockin and i think this might be a sweet album. so anyway....check it out
posted by Jason
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