I just haven't been myself lately. I've been easily angered, mean, mouthy I'm pretty sure some other things too. To those people I am sorry If I hurt your feelings.

Lately I've been reflecting over the summer. I learned and grew alot, before this little stretch of dumbness I really felt like I'd become more well rounded. I don't blow up about stuff that much anymore, I more even keel about little bumps in the road.

I miss it though. ALOT! Probably what set all this off was my friend Jackie's AOL profile. It has "I miss the ocean when I sleep" and "Tri Till I Die". The first thing made me think about the fact that.....I lived on the beach for 2 and a half months. It was in-freaking-credible. I loved what I did, talking to people, families, performing skit nights for kids and my personal favorite, Sunday night bon-fires on the beach. I spent 2 months on probably one of the most beautiful places on Earth....its hard to reflect on that and know i'm stuck in Central SC barely passing Greek again. The second part "Tri Till I Die". Tri is in reference to Rodanthe, Waves and Salvo. Those are the three little towns that made up where I was. Rodanthe was where the KOA was and where my house was. Waves was the next town down, seriously like a mile down the road, and then Salvo which was the last town before hittin open HWY 12 and then hittin Avon. I just plain ole miss it.

I miss Saturday nights in Lisa's Pizzeria with Wilson, Sara, Corey, my man Mitch, Benji, everybody, I just miss it. Jackie getting me my sweet tea without even asking what I wanted to drink.

gah......I miss the ocean when I sleep

so the other day while I was home for break I decided to go visit my grandma like I usually do. I rounded the corner to her street and I see her walking she tells me to go park and join her, so I do. I meet her and we start walking toward Lawson Cemeatary which is right behind her house and is where my grandfather who recently passed is buried. I know she misses him they were married for 57 years. So we continue walking, I had to keep slowing up because I walk fast and my grandmother is like 77 and short. So she interlocks her arm in mine and we walk and she gives me a short history lesson on the cemetary and all our family buried there. We get out to the grave site and she tells me about the head stone she got and the engraving on it and stuff like that. The thing that I noticed though is the cracks in her voice as she talked about grandpa. We walked back to the house and sat around and talked and then we went to dinner.

The next morning I go over to say goodbye and we sit and talk for 30 minutes or so.
She starts to talk about how when my uncle is gone off somewhere thats when it gets lonely. We talk about church a little and because she's Epicopalian they have church on thursdays. And then my grandmother says possibly the most romantic thing about my grandfather i've ever heard. She said that some thursday nights my grandpa would say "you can't go to church" and my grandmother would ask why not? He'd say "because i'll be lonely without you". That really just moved me, not upset or anything but, it made me smile and at the same time I know I have no clue how she feels right now. I know she misses him so much.

On the 4 hour drive I had to get back here to school, I thought about a ton of things.
But my mind kept coming back to that conversation and the day before. They had this magnificant kind of love, the no matter what love and I feel like today we've lost a little bit of that. Thats the kind of love we should have, do we love people for who they are as a whole person. I mean seriously life is a fickle thing, what happens when you love someone and they get sick and are hospital ridden, what happens if there is a accident and they aren't the same, what happens when the tough times come? I hope to say that someday I look back on things and I can turn to my loved ones, my wife (someday) and kids (someday) and i can say......I loved you through it all.......i love you completely.


Like the love Jesus showed us ........a true and everlasting love