in less than 10 hours I will be preaching in chapel. I feel like throwing up, I am intensely nervous. I know I won't be able to sleep. Cody, Cliffton and myself won trivia night tonight. I was hoping that would psyche me up, it didn't. I'm listening to Emery right now to kinda of rev the engine before morning.

I'm just like crazy stressed.....i'm going to totally crash tomorrow afternoon, its going to be nasty.

anyway, i've been angry lately. I think i've written that once before. I just can't get past somethings and I desperately want to. There is no dang sense things should linger around this long. I've done all I can to just be normal and for some reason can't. I've done everything I could possibly think to bury this thing, I've gone to people who didn't have a clue I ever had a problem with them and asked forgiveness and confessed to them, I've gotten rid of everything I was holding onto. So I just don't freaking get it. I'm writing this because I'm frustrated and tired and this is my blog and I honestly want to vent this out. Tom talked about anger on sunday and it really hit home so i'm processing that. I just feel hurt I guess, I realize I don't know alot of things, I don't like feeling hurt because I'm vunerable and I don't like feeling vunerable. sigh....this is stupid....I really didn't want to write about this but I've been holding it a while and I had to let it out...sigh....

this has been lingering around for a little bit now, just hid it or tryed to ....but I think most people could tell something was the matter...I don't hide things well.

anyway good night....chapel in the morning at 10:50...pray I don't flip out ;)